Thursday, January 29, 2009

Toy box - Moving house

We are currently in the middle of moving house, and it makes me realise something which is probably typical of others in their mid 20's.

I currently own more toys than I ever did as a child. Perhaps this is a sort of compensation for my childhood years where my family could not afford much beyond a simple teddy and a pair of floaties. Now that I have a disposable income, it's hard to resist the lure of certain luxuries which were previously unaffordable, like robotic cats and troll dolls.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

How to beat a lip balm addiction.

I am a little bored right now and couldn't think of what to write about. So I thought I'd share with ya'll how I beat my lip balm addiction.

It all started at the age of 12, when I was given a set of 'Lip Smackers' as a birthday present. Lip Smackers are basically a tube of shiny smelly goo in flavours such as 'peanut butter,' 'jellybean,' 'lemonade,' and 'oreo'. Infused with the aromas of various low grade junk foods, Lip Smackers are like crack cocaine for your lips. Surely it is obvious by now that these things are EVIL, and I had an evil addiction from the word go. The problem with these products is that they strip off the natural coating from your lips, and inhibit your own ability to self-moisten. This creates a vicious cycle - you use the product, your lips get drier, you have to use the product more to relieve the dryness, your lips get drier still, and so on.

Anyhow, I soon grew tired of the gross sweet smear effect of the Lip Smackers, but as I had been drawn into the vicious cycle I couldn't escape this product type entirely. So I then moved onto the slightly less offensive, but still unhelpful product; the strawberry chapstick. The most loathesome thing about chapsticks is their supposed sweet sweet innocence; they catch you in, and for many the relationship develops into a lifelong obsession.

I used this product from the age of 14 until I was about 18 or 19. It was then that I was introduced to the tub of the gods, BLISTEX. When you apply Blistex to your lips, you are treated with a rather pleasant tingling sensation that no other lip balm provides. I couldn't leave the house without my tub. Sometimes I would be caught out without a tub and I had to either go back home for it, or buy another one. The thing that bothered me most about Blistex was one of the ingredients - phenol; which I think may be responsible for the pleasant tingling. Anyhow, this chemical has rather grim historical connections - in concentration camps in Nazi Germany, phenol was injected directly into the hearts of some unfortunate inmates during fatal medical experiments. This nazi-balm historical connection always bothered me greatly.

In 2008 I realised that I had been addicted to lip balms for 11 years. I estimate that in my lifetime I have spent about $300 on lipbalms. It seems like a relatively small and innocuous amount of money to spend on a 'beauty product' over 11 years, but think of all the other millions of people who have done the same - and then you realise how evil these corporations are - selling these products that lock people into inescapable addictions that fuck up parts of their face.

Anyway, the way to beat a lip balm addiction is simple. Throw out all your lip balms and buy a small tub of vaseline. Even with the use of the vaseline, your lips will probably dry and crack and it will all be very unpleasant for about a week. This will pass. After that, contine with your use of the vaseline when needed. You will notice that it has very few of the addictive properties of the other marketed lip balms, and you will not need it as much. Start to get more disciplined - i.e, only use it once in morning, once at lunch and once before bed. Keep cutting it down and then one day you will find yourself, as I did, at a party without my tub. I didn't panic and I was totally fine. This could be you!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Into Ynki - an exhibition at Keith and Lottie

This exhibition by local artist Zoe Keogh is open until the 23rd of January at Keith and Lottie Gallery. Very cute illustrations; only 3 days left of the show!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Hot Fuzz

It's strange, when this film came out at the cinema I was not interested at all. It sometimes happens that a film is marketed more to the mainstream, and therefore I completely ignore it because it looks kind of naff.

I initially thought this film would be like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, a film which I guess I tolerated with only mild interest. Hot Fuzz was heaps better than I expected, most probably because of the presence of Simon Pegg.

Over the past 6 months or so, I have finally got into Simon Pegg through watching Spaced. Do you ever get the feeling that you've watched all of the tv shows that you could possibly like and that you've run out of quality shows forever?... and then you stumble across a show which in your opinion, completely nails it? Such a satisfying moment. I really love Spaced.

Anyway, Hot Fuzz hit the spot just like Shaun of The Dead. Deep down within us all, I think each and every one of us just has a pent up urge to smash a zombie's head with a baseball bat or blow away a satanic cultist with an AK47.

"Hot Fuzz" - 3 1/2 stars

Memorable quotes from "The Happening".

First of all, I can't believe I watched this film. Okay, so the cover story looked interesting,...kind of relating to the dystopian/post-apocalyptic genre which I adore. The basic story-line is that a weird plant-borne virus starts affecting populations of various American cities on the east coast. The effects of the virus are that the person loses their 'survival instinct' and immediately commits suicide. This film could've been well done if more attention were paid to the building of atmosphere and suspense. A lot of the dialogue also sucked quite hard.

Here's some of my favourite quotes from this film, which really personify the glory of the scripting:

Alma Moore: Okay, I was going to tell you, okay? There was this guy Joey. His name is Joey; he's at work. We went out and we had dessert; I went out and had dessert with him when I told you I worked late and I didn't work late and I'm feeling really guilty in case we're gonna die. I just wanted you to know that.

Elliot Moore: If we're going to die, I want you to know something. I was in the pharmacy a while ago. There was a really good-looking pharmacist behind the counter. Really good-looking. I went up and asked her where the cough syrup was. I didn't even have a cough, and I almost bought it. I'm talking about a completely superfluous bottle of cough syrup, which costs like six bucks.

I think this was one of the highlights of the film,... the weird sub-plot of the mysterious JOEY, with whom Alma shared a tiramisu. How is this relevant?, I ask?
Is 'tiramisu' a clever euphemism for a more sordid treat?

"The Happening" - 2 stars